Judgment + Gratitude
Judgment Is Normal
We all do it. It was necessary in the beginning to judge whether eating a plant would kill us or if an animal was likely to eat us. But, in many cases, we don’t need those types of judgments now. We still need to judge if a situation or person is safe for us, but whether or not someone’s pants are too tight or if an acquaintance is just “too much”… those types of judgments keep us from seeing the whole picture and getting close to other people.
When We Judge Others…
it’s often because we feel pain, insecurity or fear. We place our discomfort on the other person so that we might feel better. I’ve heard more than once that what we dislike about another person is a reflection of what we don’t like, perhaps subconsciously, about ourselves.
Rather than judging yourself for judging others, get curious about why you’re doing it and what it might say about you or your thoughts. For example, I might think to myself, “Her skirt is way too short. It’s indecent.” For a moment I feel superior, a person with better manners and taste. But if I get curious and dig deeper I might find that I envy her youth or beauty, her ease with her body. I wish I had the confidence to wear something like that.
The Antidote To Judgment Is Gratitude
(Actually, I’ve found that gratitude is the answer to many difficulties.) Judgment and gratitude are opposing forces, it’s ego vs. compassion.
It is impossible to judge someone while feeling gratitude and appreciation for them. It’s like sneezing with your eyes open – it just won’t work. Gratitude opens your heart and brings softness where you were inflexible. It brings empathy and understanding. Instead of focusing on differences, we look for what’s the same. We look through the lens of compassion. Ask yourself, “What am I not seeing in this situation?”
The unruly children with the oblivious father on the subway may have just come from their mother’s hospital room. The unfriendly server at the restaurant may be working two jobs to make ends meet and be exhausted. The gossipy coworker may feel insecure about her place in the company, afraid of losing her job and confused about how to talk about it. Think of a time when you judged someone and later found out that the circumstances were different than you had assumed.
There are those whose political or social ideals go against everything we believe in. Someone may be screaming at us, blaming us or trying to manipulate us. I believe the answer to the situation is still compassion for the other. Their behavior says nothing about you and everything about them. That doesn’t mean you have to let them scream at you. It’s important to have boundaries about what is acceptable to you, but you can have compassion for them while you’re walking away. See nothing in common? Start with “we’re both human beings” and work from there.
Questions? Want To Know How This Applies To You?
Judgment is a deep subject and has many layers. I’m here if you’d like to talk more about it. If you feel like you feel stuck and need support with your goals, life coaching may be perfect for you. I know exactly how to help you discover exciting new dreams and feel confident and joyful.